In a Hall of Doors, I’m Looking for One That’s Open

Anyone who knows me considerably well is aware of my tendency to take on too many responsibilities, essentially overloading my plate and putting way more stress on myself than I need to. I can’t help it; it’s part of who I am. I’m constantly seeking outlets where I’m either learning or putting the techniques I’ve acquired into practice. If I’m constantly moving, I don’t feel as anxious because I don’t have time to stop and let invasive thoughts control my day.

Up until last Monday, I was working a part-time job while attending graduate school and balancing two internships. I didn’t have much free time, but I still found pockets of opportunity to talk to friends and play video games so I didn’t feel completely overwhelmed and run down. Part of this, I’m sure, is because of how meticulously kept my day planner is–every task broken down, color coded, and organized to perfection. Then I sat in for my weekly meeting with my internship mentor out in San Francisco and walked away with one less responsibility to manage.

Even though my mentor’s decision to end our working relationship after only a month was to no fault of my own, I still feel kind of dejected because I was looking forward to learning a lot from the position, even going so far as to hope that maybe, just maybe, a job a would be waiting for me at the end of it. Unfortunately things don’t always work out the way we want them to; that’s just a part of life we have to learn to deal with.

A week later and I’m still not sure how I want to proceed. I could enjoy the few hours of free time I’ve gained, or I can try to find another internship. Maybe I could pause for a bit and focus on school so I can develop the skills I need to succeed in my next internship, or I can study for a few certification exams now so I don’t have to worry about them later. I could focus more on writing or streaming or completing personal projects. There are so many available options, but I’m not sure exactly which path to take just yet.

All I know is that I’m constantly racing down a hall of doors looking for one that’s open.

By alibanner